Scripted

" ... what am i suppose to do when the best part of me was always you .."
" ... I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man .."
" ... I'm smiling but I'm dying trying not to drag my feet .."

Its 3.07 am ... cant sleep, cant rest, cant have piece of mind .. all i CAN do is think of you. All i can do i think of how happy you are and how you are doing.

I wonder all the time how important i am to you. Would you feel that same pain and loss i would feel if anything happens to our friendship. Cause when i think of the day when you are no longer in my life .. i break down, i panic, i scream in fear and anxiety. I dread that day when you see my true feeling that i have been hiding for the past year or so. I dread that day when you find out the true. I dread that time when you turn your back on me.

The screwed up part is that i have no one else to blame but myself. If only i could be like so many of my friends where i am in so much more control of my feelings. I wish i was strong .. not stronger just strong. I wish that i could be like you where you refuse to allow feeling to mess up you daily life.

But then again i look in the mirror and ask what is love, what does it mean to be a boyfriend, a husband and a soulmate. I dont know if i am ever gonna be good enough. Looking at my habits and weakness, i am pretty damn sure i would mess it up damn badly.

I cant say that all i want for us is to be friends cause that is a growing part of me that hopes that we could progress to something further someday but i really do hope that no matter want happens, our friendship, that i really cherish, will never be broken.

F***

F*** F*** F*** F*** F*** ..
I JUST WANT TO SCREAM I JUST WANT TO SHOUT I JUST WANT TO GIVE UP ..

F***
the pain
the rejection
the uncertainty

SIGHHH

is falling in love even woth it .. i mean was i built to be reject and not to find my special one .. I LOVE HER .. i really do .. but y is it that i am so filled with despair

haha

www.howtotuneaguitar.org

Sigh

SCREW this stupid thing i posted on the last time .. i will do i when i have time

Have ANYONE ever felt like this .. that we have found our special one, she the one i love, the one i want to spent the REST of my life with, my other half , my soul mate, ..... there too many thing that describes her.

I thot that over time maybe the feeling would dim, maybe i could control it like other times .. but this time is different.. this time it just grows .. i longer to be with her, i longer to be there for her if shes needs someone, i longer to give her my best and to ensure she is always happy, i long to give my ALL for her !!

But everytime i see her or am with her, i m lost for words, i m tongue tied.. i cant be myself ... fear .. fear of rejection of pain and hurt and lost .. fear that she isnt the one !!!

God tells me to wait .. i noe hes intention are good for me .. but Lord sometimes it seems impossible ... i dont noe would to do .. and for once i dont noe wad to say ...

Shes soo beautiful on the outside but eve more so on the inside .. if theres i can do for her i would ..

DEDICATED TO YOU

but wad can i do ... seriously ...

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Something to do

I got this from Natchoo's blog. I thought it'll be more meaningful to have something to write to/about. Although I'm not going to post all of it on my blog, thought it'd be nice for you all to know what I've been/will be doing. And those on my blog can read it, if i just so happen to talk about you, then wonderful. (:

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

I'm not going to do this for 30days consecutively. Just thought it'll be a good reflection of my life.

update

hahah i think i need to start updating ...lol