Scripted

" ... what am i suppose to do when the best part of me was always you .."
" ... I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man .."
" ... I'm smiling but I'm dying trying not to drag my feet .."

Its 3.07 am ... cant sleep, cant rest, cant have piece of mind .. all i CAN do is think of you. All i can do i think of how happy you are and how you are doing.

I wonder all the time how important i am to you. Would you feel that same pain and loss i would feel if anything happens to our friendship. Cause when i think of the day when you are no longer in my life .. i break down, i panic, i scream in fear and anxiety. I dread that day when you see my true feeling that i have been hiding for the past year or so. I dread that day when you find out the true. I dread that time when you turn your back on me.

The screwed up part is that i have no one else to blame but myself. If only i could be like so many of my friends where i am in so much more control of my feelings. I wish i was strong .. not stronger just strong. I wish that i could be like you where you refuse to allow feeling to mess up you daily life.

But then again i look in the mirror and ask what is love, what does it mean to be a boyfriend, a husband and a soulmate. I dont know if i am ever gonna be good enough. Looking at my habits and weakness, i am pretty damn sure i would mess it up damn badly.

I cant say that all i want for us is to be friends cause that is a growing part of me that hopes that we could progress to something further someday but i really do hope that no matter want happens, our friendship, that i really cherish, will never be broken.