Arrogance

Hi all,

I have just got an amazing revelation. Everyone mostly knew that i wanted to go to ac and not cj. So when i went into cj, i tried all means to get out. But then something told me that it was God's plan for me to be in Cj to be a blessing. These were the signs

1. When aunty alice pray for me she saw vision of the flooggates opening
2. When i tried to go ac, i appealled through choir .. before the auditions .. EVRYONE who saw me practicing said i would get in .. but when i went in it didnt work out .. i was really nervous and i usually am not very nervous about this king of stuff
3. When i try going to SAJC .. an anglican school with the help of the a VERY VERY VERY high ranking person in the anglican church, the school still didnt want me.
4. When i got my o lvl result i got 5 distinctions and 1 C5!!!! My eng which NEVER got a before i got an a2.. my SS which NEVER pass before got an A1. MY bio which never got below B3 got a C5!!!!
5. Lastly, when many people prayed for me, they all felt that I was there for a purpose.
6. When i first tdid my quiet time after going into CJ, i asked for a confirmation.. and guess wad i got ... the first verse that i read was the theme verse for cj that year!!!

But when i went in, being a Shengwei, i was DETERMINED not to be the light that God intended me to be. I thought they were all DUMB Sinful and beyond ALL HOPE. I even though that to help them, JESUS himself has to come to CJ to help them ... in short i was being very very vert very very judgemental .. really really judgemental.

I was really angry with God, i doubted his judgement, i doubted him and whetehr his decision was the wisest thing .. I even rmb telling him "GOD YOU GOT IT WRONG THIS TIME!" But in all this time, i was the one sinning. I was being arrogant, all i saw was the speck of dust in their eye. But i was completely oblivious to my own log! I was soo angry that i rmb one service where i stormed out of worship during service. It was when the team was singing " HOW COULD I KEEP FROM SINGING YOUR PRAISE" i was just soo blinded, so angry that when i knew God presence was there i refused to talk to him, to faced him and i just walked out for the whole service time and if i am not wrong, I was really distracted during cell. Then a few weeks later, my anger grew and i took a break from trhe worship team cause i knew that i wasnt worship God in spirit and truth.. It wasnt being because i couldnt but becaused i refused .. i refused to accpet his decisions, i refused to praise and worship him in my circumstances . How ungrateful was I, just becasue of this incident i totally forgot all the times he had helped and saved me .. all the blessings he gave me.

Then one day i had a conversation with someone and wad she said really really struck me. I had being tooo consumned with my prob.. i didnt want to trust God, i didnt even give him that chance to use me. My heart was hardened and cold not only to him but also against my CJ mates. The one thing that she said taht struck me was : "when you meet God, and he ask you wad have you done with the time i have given you at CJ wad did you do, then shengwei, wad would your answer be. God has made you see the truth, he has saved you. Now he wants you to save your CJ mates to help themsee the truth. THEY WAY YOU ARE ACTING YOU ARE A HIDDEN LIGHT. SALT THAT HAS LOST ITS SALTINESS. HAVE YOU EVEN GIVEN THEM A CHANCE, HAVE YOU EVEN TRIED." And i was totally knocked off my feet casue i knew that if God ever asked me that i would be silent, ashamed and at that point i knew that i had to do business with God, to seek his forgiveness. Although things are still not great, but at least i am on talking terms with most of them. In all these, God was trying to reach out, to show me his plan, but i shut out everything he was trying to do. So friend i urge you to be the person that God has intended you to be.

Today, i have two songs that i want to share that really blessed and touched me.

Hosanna

How can I keep from singing your praise

Dear Lord,

I am so sorry for my blindness, my arrognce. I really pray that you will break my heart for wad breaks yours. Lord i am soo blind or arrogance, i ray would you remove them i help me be the light that i was meant to be. I pray Lord that i will be that living testimony for lord. Please help me and guide me cuse i am afraid and unsure of wad to do. I commit myself and my life to you once again.

Amen

Arrogance

Hi all,

In recent week i have been really burdened and tired and i really didnt noe why. Sigh yes it is the sad truth that everyone would go through these patches. However the thing is that I did not go to God for strengthening . But one fine day, the in the middle of the night while I was thinking of my friends and all their struggles i though of isaiah 40:29-31:

29He gives strength to the weary,
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
30Though youths grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly,
31Yet those who wait for the LORD
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.

After reading this verse, i didnt occur to me that what God was trying to say to me and i just happily smsed my friends this verse hoping to encourage them. After that, the day after,I had an arguement with my mum one thing she said struck me. It was that i keep concentrating on my friends and that i had neglected my family. After that she left the room and i was all alone reflecting on my past week and I realised the reason y i was so tired and burdened was because I wasnt drawing my strength from God but i was trying to please all my friends and in turn becoming someone i was not and i got lose in the facade that i had created for myself and as such i dint feel contented or happy. Then i went to talk to a friend and after that convo i realised that God wanted me to noe that the real me is wad he wants and desires that i shouldnt seek mens' approval even if it is the approval of person i like.

After that, i just felt so much better. I meant although there were incidents that happened the following week like when someone didnt something to hurt my feelings unknowing (yes its true that i get hurt so little comments and remarks, the thing tis that i never show it, i just laugh it of and crack another joke just to hide it), i was still able to go to God in prayer knowing that he is more then sufficient for me.

As such, there was a song that really blessed me today:

Still

Hide me now

Under your wings

Cover me

within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise

and thunders roar

I will soar with you

above the storm

Father you are king over the flood

I will be still

and know you are

God

Find rest my soul

In Christ alone

Know his power

In quietness and trust

I mean how amazing is that that no matter what no matter how difficult the situation is God i there for us. I want to end of with a very famous story:

Footprints in The Sand

One night a man had a dream.

He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.

For each scene he noticed two sets offootprints in the sand:

one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,

he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life,

there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you,

you'd walk with me all the way.

But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,

there is only one set of footprints.

I don't understand why whenI needed you most you would leave me."

(THE MOST AMAZING PART)

The LORD replied:
"My son, my precious child,I love you and I would never leave you.

During your times of trial and suffering,

when you see only one set of footprints,

it was then that I carried you."

Dear Lord,

Thank you for never giving up on me, when i run and falter and fall you chase afeter me and catch me so that i dont hurt myself. When i sinned, you diesd on the cross to save and redeem me so that i wont have to suffer for eternalty. When i go through the time, you share and take my burde and carry me through it and you take of the pieces of glass on the floor while i rest and sit comfortably in your arms. THANK YOU LORD! i love you and i am sooooo sorry when i have hurt you and neglected you. I pray that you will always draw near to me and NEVER LET ME GO that you will always be my shield, shelter and fortress. Thank you lord i am yours!

Love,

your son

Shengwei

Jesus the redeemer

Hi all,

I noe i have been slightly emo recently and for those who noe y .. PLEASE KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.. But seriously the past week seemed to be great ... my walk with God was geeting better, i had a wonderful time at worship during service. Then EVERYTHING went spiralling down during the last few days of the week. Some how i just felt extremely tired, discouraged and weak and i started falling back into sin. Yeah and i wanted to like quit the worship team, give up on myself and just not fight the good figfht anymore. But on the last night on sunday before i slept, i committed another sin and i was like "SHENGWEI YOU BLOODY %^&@#%$*&@!*&!@*&$%*&!@%^!@%$*&!@$&*@%$&*@!$*^!@$^@!$*^!@$*^*$ you useless *&%*&%^%^% hopeless nonsense" and i felt soo alone, afraid , depressed and honestly i just wanted to weep (just that my bro was there) seriously i felt that God, my Friends and family had deserted me. But for the first time for a very long time, i felt such discomfort about being soo far away from God, i was restless, i couldn't sleep, concentrate or do anything. But being a Shengwei, i continued to run away from God. Then went i went to bed already feeling so uncomfortable, when i was truly alone, i felt as if God wanted to reach out to me but i still resisted, Then suddenly, the atmosphere become so peaceful so quiet. I almost gave in and wanted to pray, but i still fought God prompting (stupid right) and i went into a minor fit. And i was soo desperate for help, for someone to love and comfort me. And at that point, i was overwhelmed by the love of God, it was as like everything was lifted of me as i knew that God was there to carry me through and that he was crying with me, he was suppoting me and he wanted to reach out to me. And at that time i just gave in, i broke down and just let , myself be in the presence of God and experience his grace and mercy.. I mean how awesome is that i really felt God peace after the prayer i felt his love his grace his mercy, through his death, just poured out on me. And it was then that he reminded me about the other times that i felt alone, how he was there to see me through it. And 3 days later (which is today) i still stand in reverent awe of wad he did that night.

Unashamed:

I have not much
To offer You
Not near what You deserve
But still I come
Because Your cross
Has placed in me my worth

Oh, Christ my King
Of sympathy
Whose wounds secure my peace
Your grace extends
To call me friend
Your mercy sets me free

And I know I'm weak
I know I'm unworthy
To call upon Your name
But because of grace
Because of Your mercy
I stand here unashamed

I can't explain
This kind of love
I'm humbled and amazed
That You'd come down
From heavens heights
And greet me face to face

Here I am at Your feet
In my brokeness complete

Love

Anyone noes wat is it like to be afraid of loving someone. Be afraid of rejection. Not wanting to love for the fear that it will not be returned. Who does want to feel loved or cared. Sigh .. HELP ANYONE OUT THERE!! help me!

Would you be there



Would anyone be there for me ..

Update

Hi all,

I really want to take this post to thank God! Ever since the strat of the year i feel as i have been falling away from .. going further annd furthur and i was slipping in depression. To make things worst, my realtionship with one of my closest friends in going down. This person has saw me through all my depression times and has continued to affirm me in God. But i guess i wasnt a good enough or trustable enough friend for him. And i think i sought of deserve it. The person if he reads this would probably noe who he is (not TIM CHEW). ANd if he sees this post i want to take time to say i am really really really sorry!!

Anyway back to the subject. When i thought that i was alone without anyone. God really showed how big and real he is. He blessed me with new friends in church. Eve's cell group: Natty, abigail, jiawen peter and brenda. I meant although i am not really close to them, but i feel as if i can connect with all of them and that they are very real people with no false pretence. Somemore they can take my nonsense right especially natty and peter. HAHA peter he kana the most. But with them i feel really happy and carefree. Furthurmore i have gotten to noe my church friends better: abraham Sk and Tim chew.

So when i look at wad God has done for me instead looking at all the crap that i am going through, i really see a WHOLE new picture and perspective. I am sadnesses he gave me new friends, in my loneliness has brought me closer to my cell. I mean how amazing is that. God can truely turn any situation around and use it for his glory and our benefit!

SO guys i want to urge all of you in your lowest of time .. Really look at all the small blessing GOd has given you and I promise you, you will really see a whole new perspective

Anyway i want to bless you with a song my church friend ruby wrote no video though but the lyrics really spoke to me:

Damascus

This gift of love
given so free
But i’d put it away
For another time maybe
I sang your grace
Is enough for me
But my heart still searched
For something to complete me
I was fallin away,
Fall-in away

Chorus:

But on the road to Damascus,
I found the path, less taken
On the road to Damascus
I chose to live again
On the road to Damascus
In grace and power
My saviour came

Verse 2:
In the silence of
Unanswered prayer
I doubted You
Asked are You even there?
You showed me the path
Told me to walk straight on
But my feet kept turning
I tried to sing a different song
I was goin the wrong way

Bridge:
When I run, you chase after me
When I hide, you build a fortress around me

Last Chorus:
On the Road to Damascus
I saw oh Lord Your greatness
On the road to Damascus
I found my purpose
On the road to Damascus
My Saviour reigned!

Wad a beautiful song .. even when we slip God chases after us and reign in our lives!

p.s: will upload photos soon