Hi all,
I noe i have been slightly emo recently and for those who noe y .. PLEASE KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.. But seriously the past week seemed to be great ... my walk with God was geeting better, i had a wonderful time at worship during service. Then EVERYTHING went spiralling down during the last few days of the week. Some how i just felt extremely tired, discouraged and weak and i started falling back into sin. Yeah and i wanted to like quit the worship team, give up on myself and just not fight the good figfht anymore. But on the last night on sunday before i slept, i committed another sin and i was like "SHENGWEI YOU BLOODY %^&@#%$*&@!*&!@*&$%*&!@%^!@%$*&!@$&*@%$&*@!$*^!@$^@!$*^!@$*^*$ you useless *&%*&%^%^% hopeless nonsense" and i felt soo alone, afraid , depressed and honestly i just wanted to weep (just that my bro was there) seriously i felt that God, my Friends and family had deserted me. But for the first time for a very long time, i felt such discomfort about being soo far away from God, i was restless, i couldn't sleep, concentrate or do anything. But being a Shengwei, i continued to run away from God. Then went i went to bed already feeling so uncomfortable, when i was truly alone, i felt as if God wanted to reach out to me but i still resisted, Then suddenly, the atmosphere become so peaceful so quiet. I almost gave in and wanted to pray, but i still fought God prompting (stupid right) and i went into a minor fit. And i was soo desperate for help, for someone to love and comfort me. And at that point, i was overwhelmed by the love of God, it was as like everything was lifted of me as i knew that God was there to carry me through and that he was crying with me, he was suppoting me and he wanted to reach out to me. And at that time i just gave in, i broke down and just let , myself be in the presence of God and experience his grace and mercy.. I mean how awesome is that i really felt God peace after the prayer i felt his love his grace his mercy, through his death, just poured out on me. And it was then that he reminded me about the other times that i felt alone, how he was there to see me through it. And 3 days later (which is today) i still stand in reverent awe of wad he did that night.
Unashamed:
I noe i have been slightly emo recently and for those who noe y .. PLEASE KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.. But seriously the past week seemed to be great ... my walk with God was geeting better, i had a wonderful time at worship during service. Then EVERYTHING went spiralling down during the last few days of the week. Some how i just felt extremely tired, discouraged and weak and i started falling back into sin. Yeah and i wanted to like quit the worship team, give up on myself and just not fight the good figfht anymore. But on the last night on sunday before i slept, i committed another sin and i was like "SHENGWEI YOU BLOODY %^&@#%$*&@!*&!@*&$%*&!@%^!@%$*&!@$&*@%$&*@!$*^!@$^@!$*^!@$*^*$ you useless *&%*&%^%^% hopeless nonsense" and i felt soo alone, afraid , depressed and honestly i just wanted to weep (just that my bro was there) seriously i felt that God, my Friends and family had deserted me. But for the first time for a very long time, i felt such discomfort about being soo far away from God, i was restless, i couldn't sleep, concentrate or do anything. But being a Shengwei, i continued to run away from God. Then went i went to bed already feeling so uncomfortable, when i was truly alone, i felt as if God wanted to reach out to me but i still resisted, Then suddenly, the atmosphere become so peaceful so quiet. I almost gave in and wanted to pray, but i still fought God prompting (stupid right) and i went into a minor fit. And i was soo desperate for help, for someone to love and comfort me. And at that point, i was overwhelmed by the love of God, it was as like everything was lifted of me as i knew that God was there to carry me through and that he was crying with me, he was suppoting me and he wanted to reach out to me. And at that time i just gave in, i broke down and just let , myself be in the presence of God and experience his grace and mercy.. I mean how awesome is that i really felt God peace after the prayer i felt his love his grace his mercy, through his death, just poured out on me. And it was then that he reminded me about the other times that i felt alone, how he was there to see me through it. And 3 days later (which is today) i still stand in reverent awe of wad he did that night.
Unashamed:
I have not much
To offer You
Not near what You deserve
But still I come
Because Your cross
Has placed in me my worth
Oh, Christ my King
Of sympathy
Whose wounds secure my peace
Your grace extends
To call me friend
Your mercy sets me free
And I know I'm weak
I know I'm unworthy
To call upon Your name
But because of grace
Because of Your mercy
I stand here unashamed
I can't explain
This kind of love
I'm humbled and amazed
That You'd come down
From heavens heights
And greet me face to face
Here I am at Your feet
In my brokeness complete
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